Family Time: Never Overextend Yourself: My Lessons Learned

As adults, our time can get consumed by activities such as work, household chores or taking a graduate-level class part-time to further our education and career path. To me, all of these activities sound normal to a person trying to grow and maximize their success. But, when you toss in the fact that one may have a family, a spouse, and/or kids, these activities can take away that one precious thing that they desire the most from you. Your T-I-M-E!

A couple of days before Christmas, my girlfriend had to drive out of town to pick up her sons from the airport because they flew in to celebrate Christmas with us. Since she wasn't going to be around for several hours, I was left alone with my two boys to entertain while I try to knock out some chores around the house. I had my whole day planned out, and it consists of painting my boy's room, teaching a Financial class, followed by activities with the entire family once they arrive back. I can admit, the schedule was packed, but I thought it was perfect because the time set aside was benefiting others more than myself. It was coming from the heart and not a narrow place. I mean, I wasn't trying to be nice so that I could play a round of 18 holes with my buddies. But, as time progressed, I found myself spending more time doing all these other things and neglecting the family. Quickly, tempers started to flare. The kids wanted to play with their dad, and I wanted to finish these tasks. And just like that, time was moving faster than me, and I fell behind my schedule.

The biggest issue was that I had overextended myself. I took on too many tasks and wanted to help everyone. Balancing work and family life can be tough especially when your the type of person that wants to give 100% in everything you do. But, the key to being balanced, is to prioritize your time and just to have a simple schedule.

How many business calls should I take on a Saturday morning when you're home watching cartoons with the kids? Should I put in study time at home after work or go to the local library and for how long? These are all the questions my friends, and I ask for advice from each other continuously throughout the years. To us, the family is the priority. We never want to neglect the family by committing to other activities during family time. Of course, we know, a day will come where we have to invest more time to work or other things during our family time. However, it's about balance and being present when it matters the most.

Here are my three biggest "Lesson Learns" from this experience.

Know What's Important and Put That First: You must prioritize your life around the things that are important to you. If you follow this advice, you will never feel sorry about the decision you make. I failed to execute this tip. What was important to me was to spend time with the kids. I mean quality time. Instead, I occupied my time doing things for them, like painting their room, instead of doing things with them. Bottom line, if your family time is significant, let it be known to yourself and others.

Don't Overbook Yourself: I love the challenge of taking on a new task and the feeling I get once I accomplish it. This feeling is fantastic, especially when it comes to working. But, I should've never taken on so many tasks during my family time.

Over the years, I've learned over scheduling yourself can lead to extreme stress and can even impact your work performance. The mentality to "get it all done" has some adverse effects that could be physically and emotionally harmful. When it comes to the weekend, and it's family time, I propose only to tackle one short task and spend the rest of the time with family. If the job takes hours, schedule some mini-breaks throughout and spend this time with them. This action will go along way and make them feel you're still involved and with them.

Never Say No, Always Say Yes: My boys asked several times for me to play with them. I replied, "hold on son, give me about 20 minutes, and I'll be finished soon." This response may have been an acceptable response first or second time, but after the third time, my youngest son's patience was wearing thin. And was giving it to me with his attitude!

I remember watching a TED Talk episode where the producer on the hit show Scandal, Shonda Rhimes gave a speech about the power of saying Yes. Whenever her kids ask for things such as her time, she always says "Yes" to them. I used to exercise this concept, but on this day, it got lost. When my kids came into the room and asked me to play, I should've just stopped everything and played. Taking a break would've matter because painting the room wasn't the priority and it would've prevented them from being bored or feeling neglected because they are forced to entertain themselves.

Take Away

People, learn from my mistake. I'm sharing this story and advice because I care and know the majority of you are like me. You work hard and want to do great things to please others. However, sometimes you over-extend yourself by taking on too much and neglecting your family during their time, and then you realize you are in trouble like me for not fulfilling your promise. To make up for my bad judgment, I took the whole family to the Arcade and paid for dinner. Oh and I still had some painting to do in the next morning. Bottom line: Family is first!

"Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life."

Dolly Parton

How do you manage your work and family life? How do you schedule your family time? Please leave your comment below.

#LessonLearn #PersonalGrowth